Hi, welcome to the fucking news. I'm the baby Jesus. Here are tonight's headlines. You all suck at celebrating my birthday. I lived a life of love, forgiveness, humility and freedom of possessions and material goods. Why do you suck at celebrating that? How are you going to celebrate my birthday? an orgy of fucking indulgence destruction of the planet to the max more plastic than a Chinese factory could handle in a year? Why do you suck at celebrating my birthday? Let's all spend all the money we don't need on stuff we don't need making people who've already got stuff even more fucking money. What a great idea. It's Christmas time. There's no need to be afraid. No, actually there is be afraid. Be very afraid. Be afraid of poverty. Are people from other countries coming here and taking your jobs? It's Christmas time. Yes, be afraid. Be afraid of poverty. Be afraid of people from other countries be afraid of Iran's nuclear program. Be afraid of fundamental Christians in the White House. In the UK, the news is fog and dead prostitutes for the international community was wondering what's so important about fog and dead prostitutes. I couldn't tell you but that's the news. What's the Dyslexic serial killer joke? Prozis under the trees What do you call a suicide monkey? A baboon? I am the baby Fucking Jesus. My dad. God. He slaved for 13 and a half billion years making this planet and all the life on it. Now you human monkeys aren't busy doing your best to destroy it. Merry Christmas. Enjoy Christmas Day One more day than 50 species go extinct. That's right. celebrate my birthday with more useless destruction of the planet to feed your own slavish bovine consumers desires not that you need any of the shit you're gonna get on Christmas day anyway. I'm the baby Fucking Jesus. No wonder I haven't come back for a second coming. I'm not coming back until you've all got nothing and you're happy with it. Okay, so if you're waiting on the second coming, it ain't happening while Chanel and Toshiba are advertising their cheap fucking wares on your plasma screens. I can tell you that for sure. Yeah, no second coming while your fucking chrome gear Sri injection sabse retooling up and down the motorways, full of salesman shifting plastic crap from China, where the children weren't for a handful of rice a day and those are the lucky ones. Merry fucking Christmas. voiding Sukkot celebrating my birthday. Okay, thanks. Now the weather. The planet is swamped. It's your fault, and it's getting worse. Have a nice new year.


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