Hi landless peasant slaves. Welcome to the fucking news. I'm barely human. Here are the headlines. Tonight's violent revolution is raging across Planet Earth tonight as human beings everywhere throw off the yoke of tyranny and fight for their freedom after centuries of exploitation and oppression by a dozen or so family bloodlines, so people have borrowed have had enough. In America the Federal Reserve was burned to the ground, relieving the American people of the need to pay for printing their own money in the UK the entire royal family have been executed and that democratic republic established in their place all over the world the people are taking back what's theirs, like free from rule free from economic slavery. A spokesperson for the revolution said Fuck the Queen and the banks and the landowners and the corporation's fuck them all. Oh dear humanity be reduced to a profit making enterprise. The Pope dear they dig up the planet and sell it back to us. Like it didn't belong to us in the first place. It's my air, my water, my planet, my oil, my coal by rainforest and my fucking life, and I'll kill you all again to get it back. Death to extremists. Only joking, that didn't happen until Wouldn't it be funny if it did though? Here's what really happened. 6.5 billion sentient beings continue to destroy the planet they live on as fast as they possibly can. war fuels multi trillion dollar economies human suffering goes unchecked and sport remains the most interesting thing in your life. An evil elite what the future of art with cold cutting and a large map they got free in a packet of cornflakes. You and your children are born landless peasant slaves on a planet completely owned by global corporations. Here you'll spend your life and economic prisoners cold countries and you'll only be allowed to go to go to a holiday in another prison. You'll spend your life paying the rent and taking it up the ass from the taxman whenever he says so. As compensation for the glory of your existence being turned into a nightmare. You will be allowed to buy drugs on the black market pouring off the top shelf and doughnuts in the supermarket. Anything humans like to do will turn a profit for the fuckers you've got all the money anyway. Have a nice life. And if you're waiting for the revolution, don't hold your breath. There'll be a long time coming especially if it's up to the spineless brainwash TV watching uneducated drug addled inmates on planet Earth. In the UK plans to justify nuclear war with Iran are going extremely well. Didn't say Tony Blair in a press conference at Downing Street. The capture of 15 sailors and marines in the Shatt Al Arab waterway is only the first step towards nuclear Armageddon. He went on not to say the fucking news can now reveal the details of their capture by the Iranians, the captain of HMS Cornwall ordered the troops to get into a couple of inflatable thingies with no guns. They were sent to prevent international smuggling of weapons in huge ocean going ships asking only polite questions. Once at sea, the sailor spotted some motor boats bristling with revolutionary Iranian Muslims armed to the teeth with water bombs and peashooters our brave boys and girls lit up a flag switched off their motors and waited to be arrested like you do. The captain of HMS Cornwall, a 21st century floating war machine with enough firepower to destroy a planet carried out his orders to do nothing fun. The BBC revealed they've interviewed FETO the the only woman among the captured that day before in the interview, she didn't say I left my family behind in Britain to pursue my career of killing or dying for the queen. My lovely three year old daughter understands completely why mommy must kill Johnny foreigner or die for the queen. And I'm doing this to set her a good example. So when she grows up, she can be a strong, reliable, independent woman who carries those orders wears the uniform base without question and is ready to die for the queen. Use Your Majesty take me and my children were not worthy and you truly are a superior being along with the third right I mean God bless the Queen Rule Britannia time with peasants I mean insurgents. Thanks and now the weather the planets fucked you're powerless to stop us and it's getting worse.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai