FKN Newz 2008-10-14

Unknown Speaker 00:00 My wife on Earth flourishing despite solar radiation and atmospheric variations, many humans knowing on their own legs are too stupid to stop. In the UK framing terrorist suspects must be done quicker say fascist police Fox Hello sent to whiteboard Welcome to the fucking news. I'm over the moon.

Here are tonight's headbox are continues to have a flourishing biosphere despite the best efforts of humans to fuck it up says you report, levels of radiation and toxic substances remain relatively low. Although the current level of human population is unsustainable. Their presence is not thought to present a major problem to the existence of organic life on Earth for many millions of years to come.

Professor watch it happen. A spokesperson for the imaginary Earth observer corps didn't give us this exclusive statement earlier today. Despite our best efforts continues to support up to 1.8 million species of life, including humans. However, the Millennium Ecosystem Assessment, most comprehensive audit to date of the health of our planet says organisms disappearing at something like 1000 times the background levels seen in the fossil record. scientists warned that removing so many species puts our own existence at risk.

For a third of all amphibians, a fifth of mammals and an eighth of all birds are now threatened with extinction is thought that 90% of large predatory fish in the oceans have all gone since the beginning of industrial tooling. And these are just the vertebrates, your species that we know most about 90% of the species, maybe more have not even been cataloged by scientists yet, by future models are very uncertain.

But all of them tell us that as we move into the next 100 years, we'll be seeing extinction rates that are 1000 times to 10,000 times those are the fossil record where I get there. There have been many prophecies about end of the world, the end of civilization, the end of mankind. But so far, these have proved unfounded really not much to worry about unless you lived in Cambodia. Humans, however, appear to have the means not only to destroy their own ecosystem in a pointless economy of consumerism, but also to unleash a vast amount of damaging radiation on the planet through use of nuclear weapons and vacation.

This remains the biggest single threat to life on Earth in the short term. That is to say that there are some mad fuckers with their fingers on the button that could do it anytime now. To recap that life on Earth will be fine for millions of years to come. Why?

Unless we continue to eat the planet to make rich fuckers more money or some crazy mumbo jumbo halfwit gets access to the insane amount of atomic weaponry amassed by nationalists, zealots, ideologues and hardcore war mongers. In such circumstances, were only the murmuring of an imaginary fiend more I mean friend away from Armageddon and radioactive wonder why it's a good job then the our planet superpowers are run by intelligent, rational people with love for all mankind in their hearts.

People who hold all life sacred, and have ambitions only to unite the planets live in benign global existence, promoting the nurturing of our flora and fauna and the betterment of all humans through education in astronomy, multicultural and music. What's that? Oh, anyway, we in the earth observer corps will continue to monitor us live signs, chronicling the mass extinction of every kind of species, the emptying of our oceans, deforestation and rising sea levels as well as the afterlife believing psychosis and nuclear means of destruction that hang over our head.

Thank you, Professor. Watch it happen. In a related story, a controversial artist Ivan Sal ripoff of the academy you better known aback Mayor de Vash has unveiled his latest piece of concept art to the world's press. Entitled how stupid our people it is a 3d animation depicting a gruesome scene of human beings sitting in piles of their own feces pissing into the cup they drink from and eating their own legs whilst killing their offspring by fucking them to death with nuclear missiles.

We asked the artists Ivan's a rip off i mean Ivan Sarah coffer to fill a few minutes of our news show with distracting cultural nonsense. So we wouldn't have to report the continued exploitation of our FBI. Have you? Well, the banking families.

Ivan, welcome to the show. Thanks for being with us. It's a pleasure to be speaking to you. I wonder if you could tell us in your own words for the benefit of many people at home who are new to the world of glint in your face unambiguous metaphor, what the fuck this shit is all about.

It's not art is its app and no, you are very clever. No, it is not art. It is a construct a vessel a vehicle if you like for an idea and message in a butter and Enigma in an enigma. But I cannot show you it because the rights have been purchased by the British 2012 The Olympic trust in association with McDonald's and Coca killya Now fuck off and watch some shakes on television while I count my money, man.

Yep, see, thanks, Ivan started off. In the UK government plans to detain terrorist suspects for up to 42 days have been thrown out by the House of unelected I inherited my position of power and influence from my daddy or in exchange for political favor lords. Many senior police officers have not raised concerns over the present 28 days detention, not saying our police force is slow, inept, inefficient, racist and corrupt.

But that's beside the point. We were all looking forward to having 42 days to frame our terrorist suspects. I mean, gather evidence. Now we will have to redouble our efforts to ensure that all evidence against terrorist suspects can be fabricated I mean, investigated in 28 days.

I hope the security of our country isn't put at risk by this ill thought and protection of civil liberties. Freedom is the most dangerous risk we face. Three people are the most likely people to commit acts of terror and the most able to resist tyranny, the most outspoken against our oppression and exploitation. and I urge the government to do all it can to give us wide ranging powers of arrest and detention coupled with surveillance powers to put shame styling, and punishments are a cruel and unusual nature.

Now, if you excuse me, I have some peace campaigners to torture bags and now the weather dead species littering the planet. Human beings alternate between the most amazing and the most stupid of nature's creations with a chance of extinction sometime next week. Have a nice weekend.