FKN Newz 2006-10-07

North Korea's nuclear test threatens international conspiracy. America gets ready for regime change in Iraq again. In the UK Jack Straw wants to remove women's clothes.

Use headlines from around the world I'm free to choose here are tonight's top stories. The international conspiracy urges North Korea to abandon plans to test nuclear weapons. In a statement, the Security Council warned of unspecified inaction against North Korea if it went ahead with a test.

A nuclear test would jeopardize the lives we've been telling you about the war on terror in this region and beyond. The Security Council said going on to say the Security Council will act inconsistently with its responsibility under the Charter of the United Nations. Furthermore, we can't attack countries with nuclear weapons. It's too dangerous.

So if you're a country trying to get nukes, we'll have to bomb you back to the Stone Age. Once you get a nuke. Whoa, we won't be sending a carrier task force within 1000 miles of your country. That's why we must act now to keep our nuclear supremacy and tighten our grip on all the enslaved people of Earth.

I mean, oh fucking look, we're in charge. Don't you backward Third World monkey people get it. We will never let you be as powerful and advanced as us. The developing world will just have to get used to making our trainers microwaves and iPods and shut the fuck up.

When we want you to have nukes. We'll give them to you like Israel and Pakistan. Until then behave yourselves or else. A spokesperson for the leader of North Korea.

Jim John paddywhack. Give the commie bombs didn't say in reply to the insecurity statement. Your demands will be rejected giving people the illusion that military action is justified here and in Iran, just like we agreed in that secret Masonic meeting. Ciao baby.

In America, senior politicians are warning of the need to make bold decisions in the war in Iraq. The US is giving the government of Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki more time to pull things together. But if he doesn't, President Bush's warned of dire consequences. He didn't say Prime Minister Maliki needs to convince us His government can stop a fight the violence and bloodshed the blight this country and threaten the peace and stability suffocation of their neighborhood.

We have done all we can to help this peace loving nation rejoin the international conspiracy. We have bombed its infrastructure brought the economy to its knees destroyed social institutions destabilize the balance of power in the region, murdered, tortured and imprisoned 1000s of its people. We stood shoulder to shoulder with a global corporations as the country's wealth and assets were carved up and dished out to them, forcing the Iraqi people to pay for the rebuilding of everything we destroy fight and ensuring our control over their oil.

Now we want a piece we have worked so hard not to create. What can America do? What should they do? Is there a precedent for how to solve this seemingly intractable problem?

Pentagon hawks say there is regime change. That's right, Mr. President, let's invade Iraq, overthrow the government and replace it with a new democratically elected government? Rant rant slobber slobber on with the Third Reich.

I mean, the fatherland I mean the homeland. God bless America. In the UK, Jack Straw faces a backlash after he claimed relations in his constituency would improve if Muslim women didn't wear clothes. It's time these women throw off the shackles of tyranny imposed upon them by this medieval voodoo religious mumbo jumbo cult.

I think we would all be more comfortable if women just didn't wear anything. I know I would. Muslim groups were outraged at his remarks. One prominent member of the Council for enforcing our ideas on the rest of you mindless Bucher said our tradition of subjecting women to oppression and indignity must be respected, and so must our intolerance to other liberal social values.

Jack Straw may like to see women with no clothes, but we like to use our imagination. In a related story, the prime minister today hit out accurate reporting of the British military mission in southern Afghanistan. In an interview with the Armed Forces broadcaster Tony Blair acknowledged that the fighting in Helmand province had been very, very tough, but he insisted the mission was vital to prevent the country folding back into the hands of Ali Baba and the boogey man and again, becoming a training ground for international pessimism. the morals of our killers are very high, he said, but they get fed up and so does everyone else.

When it's all presented in a negative light. Actually what they're doing is a fundamental importance to the economy of America. And finally tonight, residents of planet Earth were amazed when they woke up this morning to find they were all landless peasant slaves in a global destruct In the economy, run by a handful of Israeli bankers and some Russian mafia has one human being put it. We've got to get rid of these evil fuckers don't kill me I was only joking.

No, I'm not the rats. Well, we seem to have lost that report. And now the weather. The long range forecast shows pointless consumerism, empty unfulfilled lives extending well into the next century, outbursts of unsettled behavior leading to violent suppression with the possibility of economic genocide later in your life.

Have a nice weekend.