FKN Newz 2006-11-18
Top quotes
“Now are you people in America and the rest of the world?”
“However, in Britain, we pay the government taxes to make our television station the BBC.”
“You think maybe they forgot all that stuff in the 70s or the Americans carpet bombed their country, killed millions of their people rape their women?”
“Wasn't there something interesting happening in the world this week?”
“But so far the only thing I've seen is a Palumbo BBC reporter of 10 miles from the place they're getting married saying.”
Transcript
Hi, I'm clean and dry. Welcome to the fucking news. The headlines tonight in the news this week, President Bush goes to Vietnam to ask the Vietnamese people to help them impose sanctions upon North Korea. Think Vietnamese people have got short term memory loss.
You think maybe they forgot all that stuff in the 70s or the Americans carpet bombed their country, killed millions of their people rape their women? Yeah, I'd love to be a fly on the wall and the conversation between the Vietnamese leader and President Bush. Imagine it goes something like this. A whole lot.
I'm George W. Bush, not come to ask the people in the leader of Vietnamese man to help us impose our will on a small bar Eastern country with links to Communist China. Am I in the right country? Vietnamese leader might say something like Ha ha.
You'll make me laugh long time W Bush. We live long time in Vietnam. We remember you you come here and kill us plenty time to get the fuck out our country have a kick your ass again. Hi.
In the UK, the Queen gave her annual speech to the House of Commons. A tradition hundreds of years old where the queen comes to the house of government and tells the British people how it's gonna be. Don't you love democracy? This year's Queen's speech went a little like this
queen. I can't believe you peasant fuckers are still letting me do this. Haha. I'm not home now to my palatial residence with all the gems and money I've stolen off the British people last couple of centuries.
Thank you. Goodbye. You present fuckers. And finally, in the news this week, Tom Cruise gets married somewhere in Europe.
Now are you people in America and the rest of the world? Maybe you're used to your news channels being overtaken with commercial interests? Hollywood and Disney all over your headlines. However, in Britain, we pay the government taxes to make our television station the BBC.
And I'll tell you I just love the thought of my tax dollars going to cover the wedding of a short crap American actor. Yes, indeed. Wasn't there something interesting happening in the world this week? No, but Tom Cruise is getting married.
I wouldn't mind if we were getting to see some action. A live coverage of Tom Cruise on his wedding night. His little Harry Buck going up and down as he humps that gorgeous gold digger. He's married.
A honey. So I don't feel insecure about you being taller than me. As long as you'll take it off the ass. Yes, I would mind if we were getting to see some action.
But so far the only thing I've seen is a Palumbo BBC reporter of 10 miles from the place they're getting married saying. I think I can see a car. Yes, I do believe it's a car. It may have somebody in it.
Get Tom Cruise the fuck off my television. I'm paying for this shit. Thank you. Allow the weather.
The planets fucked. It's your fault and it's getting worse. Have a nice weekend.
Themes in this episode
Analysis essay
This episode follows Bush’s November 2006 trip to Vietnam for the APEC summit, where North Korea’s recent nuclear test was a major topic and Washington sought regional support for sanctions. The historical irony is obvious: an American president asking Vietnam to help discipline another communist Asian state only three decades after the United States devastated Vietnam in a failed anti-communist war. In Britain, the Queen’s Speech had just opened the new parliamentary session, laying out the Blair government’s legislative agenda. The celebrity item is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’s wedding in Italy, which received absurdly heavy global coverage.
Deek’s Bush-in-Vietnam bit turns diplomacy into historical amnesia. The fake Vietnamese response is crude, racist-accented, and uncomfortable now, but the underlying joke is anti-imperial: America behaves as if Vietnam should politely forget invasion, bombing, mass death, and humiliation. The Queen’s Speech parody attacks monarchy as democracy’s embarrassing contradiction: an unelected hereditary ruler formally telling elected politicians the government’s plans. The Cruise segment shifts from geopolitics to media criticism, especially the BBC’s use of public money to chase celebrity spectacle.
The recurring FKN themes are empire, fake democracy, monarchy, media distraction, and planetary collapse. Bush represents the imperial state that never apologizes; the Queen represents class theft dressed as tradition; Tom Cruise represents commercial celebrity colonizing the news. Deek’s anger is not just that celebrities are covered, but that they displace the real world. While wars, sanctions, and political absurdities unfold, the public broadcaster sends reporters to stare at distant cars outside a Hollywood wedding. The final weather gag returns the scale to Earth itself: the planet is deteriorating while the news sells ritual, royalty, and celebrity nonsense.