FKN Newz 2006-12-09
Transcript
I'm free to choose Welcome to tonight's fucking you the headlines tonight, the Iraq Study Group. As finally reported, at a press conference, chairman of the Iraq Study Group made the following recommendation, a phased withdrawal of the Iraqi people. Yes, things would be much better in Iraq, if only the people weren't there. If we could get rid of them, things would be much better.
We recommend we reduce the number of casualties interact by reducing the number of people interact, you see if there's less people there that less people will die. That's a phased withdrawal. It's the way forward. The Iraq Study Group also mentions the great cost of the war, something which the American people may like to make themselves familiar with, because their children and their children's children will be paying off the cost of this war for years to come. $8 trillion in debt as a country and getting 2 billion a day further into debt.
Do you know if I was in business with someone and they said, Hey, I've got a great idea for our interests. Let's go and kill some people over there who have not attacked us who do not really have any weapons of any significance at all. Let's go over there. We'll kill them.
It'll cost trillions of dollars, and we'll make the people we're supposed to be looking after pay for it for years to come. Yeah, now it's almost like the leaders of that country would be in some way their enemies. The way forward. It's a new approach.
What a load of fucking rubbish. The way forward is the way out. Get out of the country. Stay out of the country.
What the fuck were you thinking? Uh, yeah. They had nothing to do with attacking us. The rest of the world couldn't find any weapons, but we're gonna go and kill them.
Really? What the fuck were you thinking the people running your country are fucking idiots. Evil fucking Nazi bucks, running around the world killing people to make more money for their secret fucking corporations. That fucking evil corporate force, you're losing the war and you're $8 trillion in debt.
Don't believe another fucking word from these people. They are evil Fox. In other news, Tony Blair in the UK has said of immigrants. We welcome immigrants.
But it is their duty once they're here to integrate, you know, integrate into society. Once they get here. Immigrants really have a duty to integrate into society. So yeah, I can just see what that's gonna look like.
No, I am. I'm here from somewhere else in the world and I'm loving the smell of your greens procedures. Your queen is making me feel so much like working for you and contributing people to the hive.
Yes. What a lovely, soft, delicate fragrance the Queen's procedures has for me. Yes. Here's Igor fresh from the eastern union.
Oh, I'm glad to be in your country now to work for pitiful wage to do job the rest of you people don't want to do yes, I'm glad to be in your country. Even though I have been here for a short time. I too. can smell something fragrant in the air. No majesty.
Do you know what we should be given all the people who arrive from the eastern union, the former Soviet bloc, if we want them to integrate into our society? Here's a kind of laga shave your head here's a season ticket for Chelsea they'll kick that fuck out if someone who supports arsenal for no other reason than you're a drunken violent frog Your Majesty integrate with this class written fucking secret aristocratic society.
Fuck off. Integrate, they may bend over and take their Rhino skin scaly crawling up your anus. You fuckers. Thanks.
And now the weather. The planets fucked. It's your fault and it's getting worse. Have a nice weekend.
Themes in this episode
Analysis essay
This episode is centered on the Iraq Study Group report, released December 6, 2006, after the Republican midterm defeat and mounting recognition that the Iraq War was failing. The bipartisan Baker-Hamilton group recommended a shift in strategy, including more diplomacy, training Iraqi forces, and a conditional change in troop deployment, but Deek reduces the whole exercise to absurd managerial evasion. Instead of “phased withdrawal” of U.S. forces, he proposes the “phased withdrawal of the Iraqi people,” a brutal joke about how occupation logic treats Iraqis as the inconvenient variable in Iraq.
The parody attacks technocratic war language. “The way forward,” “new approach,” and “study group” are presented as phrases that hide the obvious solution: leave. Deek also foregrounds the financial cost, arguing that the American public will pay for generations while corporations profit. The Tony Blair immigration segment responds to Blair’s call for immigrants to integrate into British society. Deek mocks the phrase by asking: integrate into what? Monarchy, class hierarchy, drunken football tribalism, low wages, and servility to the “Queen’s procedures.”
The recurring FKN themes are all here: Iraq as corporate war, public debt as elite theft, fake democracy, monarchy, class, and economic slavery. The phrase “evil corporate force” captures his view that war policy is not accidental stupidity but organized profit. The immigration section also extends his anti-nationalism: Britain is not a noble culture immigrants should gratefully absorb, but a class-ridden aristocratic system that exploits foreign labor while demanding deference. The episode’s anger is aimed less at immigrants than at the hypocrisy of a society that needs them, underpays them, and then lectures them about belonging.