FKN Newz 2008-08-28

Unknown Speaker 00:00 billions of morons overrun Earth mass extinction continues stupidity rules, sycophantic convention ordains more on Obama and stupid asshole Biden. In the UK all morons are happy and like cricket, Queen and shopping. Hello landless peasants.

Welcome to the fucking news. I neatly folded here are tonight's headlines. Welcome to planet earth, a planet which, according to the National Science Foundation's Tree of Life Project is inhabited by between 5 million to 100 million species of life, of which science has only identified 2 million so far. The dominant species are humans current population levels around 6.8 billion.

These bipedal mammalian life forms are very organized and in the last few 100 years have consumed vast amounts of the Earth's natural resources and made hundreds of 1000s of the other life forms on Earth extinct in their quest to make just a few people very rich. Scientists don't fully understand this behavior yet, but some people think it might be because most humans are very, very stupid. In the past, it was easy to understand how humans could be stupid little was known about the Earth, or space and superstition and mumbo jumbo pervaded every aspect of human life.

But now, long after the age of reason, hundreds of years after the enlightenment and 50 years since the dawn of space travel, why is the Earth still overflowing with stupid human beings? Here's our science correspondent, Professor grant funding her to understand why humans are so stupid. We have to look at the organization and structures of their societies and civilizations. My Germans have been idiots for a very long time, great empires have held sway on every continent for 1000s of years.

And we can learn much by studying these human structures. At first glance, it might appear as though that humans are controlled by a small group of elite in a hierarchical pyramid structure you see, real is less than humans under their control. Why were the whipping hand of the slaves. But after many years of research, and simulating civilization and computer models, we've obtained some very surprising results.

It seems that planet Earth is not run by a small group of wealthy powerful families, but rather it's overrun by morons high. It's a bit like an iceberg. We're looking at the destruction, the suffering and the waste caused by human activity, the deforestation, the nuclear tests in our own atmosphere and the app with the breathing into the fallout. But the billions of lives spent in taxation and servitude, to create a few wealthy people that we think well.

This must have been caused by and controlled by the few wealthy banking families who appear to benefit from it. But no, they're just the tip of the iceberg underneath them supporting them. And the real cause of this mass stupidity are billions and billions of morons. Every human being who believes in a god is a moron.

Every human being thinks they live in a country is a moron. Every human being who submits to a ruler is a moron. When we added up these figures, the results were devastating. There are nearly 5 billion morons on Earth.

Far out numbering though rational, intelligent human beings not with the intelligence thinking. This huge mass of morons are responsible for supporting the Pope, the Queen, Exxon, Ayatollah idiot, fuck Reverend lying fuckwit and all the preposterous nationalism and many other extreme examples of stupidity. Now, given the past history of morons, we think it's unlikely even in the face of scientific evidence that morons will go away anytime soon.

So the current period of mass extinction will continue. Deforestation will go on. And so with all the other stupid stuff, we can only hope for the sake of life on Earth that soon humans will do something so mind blowingly stupid that they kill themselves and bring to an end a rule of morons. Back to you neatly.

Thank you Professor grant funding. In America the annual convention of the sycophantic party has officially ordained a black man as their candidate to lose the next election so conservative corporate fascists can continue to miss rule of world. Barack Obama will accept the nomination tonight along with his running mate Joseph, I believe in talking snakes Biden, here's our political correspondent talks with jerks, although neatly.

Here at the sycophantic convention delegates are wetting their pants and excitement as the flashing lights, choral anthems and Hypno rays work their magic. In the last few days, we've seen the Clintons plaster on fake smiles and spew up some of the most sickening convention speeches in history. But that was nothing compared to Joe Biden's family prostituting itself on stage for Catholic votes. Not that it matters because As a recent poll of corporate paymasters revealed 99% of them would like to see just an illusion of democracy played out on television, allowing them to continue pulling the strings and raking in the profits while the average Smoke Gets October for a buck.

Of course, there are many Americans who actually believe this shit has something to do with who runs their country. And for them, this Sharada is absolutely vital. Without it, the very fabric of their fantasy reality would crumble around them, revealing the iniquitous world of greed and privilege they actually live in, rather than the fake one of freedom and democracy they're helped to imagine on a daily basis Coke, it's the real thing.

These stage managed religious, like events help to reinforce the message to the zombies. So they clap when they say clap, cheer, when they say cheer and vote now for the puppet of your choice of a coke. And believe what we tell you everything's okay. Without this mass mind control, millions of Americans have another Coke, we'd have to do the unthinkable and actually think for themselves back to uniquely thanks talks with jerks.

In the UK, everybody is happy. And the only thing that could possibly go wrong is something to do with the economy, maybe interest rates or inflation or not enough people in debt. But apart from that, everything's great. What is it that makes everybody so happy?

Well, partly it's because the way things are really are great. cricket and football are very exciting and entertaining sports. And news about white middle class people is very interesting, especially if they get shot on holiday or die from stabbing or their house burns down. And then of course, there's the winning of the wars and our success and spreading greed and exploitation around the world that I mean peace and democracy.

Only mentally ill people think it's obscene that we kill people to make them free. Or that 4 million children live in poverty while our glorious queen is the richest woman in the world. Only deranged extremists think that our basic need for shelter and water should not be provided by market forces that can screw as much money out of us as they can. Yes, we're all very happy.

And I couldn't find anyone who wasn't very pleased with the way we're killing innocent people on behalf of America's oil and gas grab. Nobody I spoke to thought the Queen her family and all the other aristocracy were Nazi leeches who should be put up against the wall and shot in the head. Not a single person. Thanks.

And now the weather. The plan is booked. It's your fault and it's getting worse. Watch out for the morons.

Have a nice weekend.