FKN Newz 2006-07-22

God loves killing humans and we love it to Tommy Sheridan not guilty of having principals. Summertime it's hot and it doesn't rain much us around the world from vide.com I'm fat and bold. Here are tonight's headlines.

Welcome to divinity deathmatch our regular killing entertainment brought to you by medieval religious nutters and nationalism governmental. This week's conflict pits the children of God from the State of Israel, also known as the area of the planet designated as Israel by internationally agreed to treaties against the Party of God Hezbollah, also known as any human with nothing better to do than noise up Israel and kill people.

Let me give you a rundown of the action so far in what has ironically been called the David and Goliath of the Middle East. Some 12 days ago, one Israeli soldier was kidnapped in Palestine. The Israelis torched Gaza, bombed the buildings of government and assassinated the ringleaders. Let's face it, these people take no shit.

You meet them up the town, you do not want to spill their pint or check out their girlfriends no one I'm saying days later at the other end of the area of planet Earth designated as Israel by international treaties. Hezbollah captured another two soldiers from the children of God's army. Israel began a ceaseless bombardment of the area of Earth designated as Lebanon by internationally agreed treaties, killing 350 Humans civilians women, children, dogs, cats, pigs, goats, donkeys, horses and beetles, the birds and our fucking bees.

Destroyed Lebanon's airports, television stations, mobile phone networks, roads, bridges, railways, shops, factories and houses ending the 21st century and returning the people to the stone age who fucking rocks. In return, Hezbollah launched hundreds of rockets and mortars killing nearly 30 human beings fucking pussies. To go over these figures and look at these events in more detail. I'm joined in the studio by none other than the one the only the ever present mystery in all of our lives.

The Quantum void of knowing the being from beyond time, possessor of the unified theory of everything and holder of the heavyweight human killing championship of the world. God, God, great to see you hear 400 Humans already dead you must be very happy. You've got me all wrong, Fat. Poor Can I call you baldy?

I take no pleasure in the death of humans. I created them. Along with all matter in the universe and time beyond. I am enraged by the evil killing taking place in my name, and have sent a plague of dull musicians, mediocre filmmakers, but really good advertising.

As a punishment, they will make your lives seem joyous and fulfilled. But really, they will be empty and superficial. You've got me all wrong, Goldie. Or can I call you fat?

Humans created me with their imaginations to deal with difficult questions from children. Then the children grew up really stupid and fucked up. Because their parents didn't tell them the truth about anything. They also imagined there was a God as their parents did.

And over the years, I became more and more popular, but I don't really exist. In fact, I'm not even here now. Well, thanks God as ever, you defy description and remain a great excuse for killing humans to this day. So what's the endgame here?

Well, the superpower of Israel with its arsenal of nuclear weapons, American jets, helicopters, tanks, bombs. 1000s of heavily armed well trained troops and the open support of every major power on earth, really wipe the floor with this ragtag militia of peasant fighters armed with homemade rockets and a dirty look, or will Hezbollah the Party of God, imagine a miracle? To find out Tune in next week when we'll have exclusive up to minute reports of how and where God is killing human rights.

In the UK. The case of Tommy Sheridan and the use of the world goes on in the High Court in Edinburgh. Blues of the world wrote several articles claiming that Tommy Sheridan was an honest, principled man of honor and integrity. They went on to allege that he was not simply an opportune loudmouth with a chip on his shoulder about the poll tax, but was indeed the voice of Scotland's disenfranchised people speaking from the heart and intensely interested in the affairs of the day.

Tommy Sheridan, ex leader of the Scottish Socialist Party has always denied these allegations and is suing the newspaper for 700 billion pounds. Tommy Sheridan didn't have this to say outside the court. Everybody knows I'm a jackal I'd want to be with those strongly held beliefs at all. As soon as I got a nose in the trough, I was doing the nearest club to snort coke from the butt cheeks of East European prostitutes.

You know, I'm saying these allegations of Tosh I don't care what the prosecution have said, and that they have dozens of witnesses and a recording of me confessing to the whole thing, then asking my colleagues in the Socialist Party to cover it up. It's just not true. I've sagged the expensive and experienced legal team that we're representing me and I'm going it alone. However, I do still have the support of my wife, who's happy smiling, chuckling laughing roaring with great gusts. gut wrenching derision face is a great source of discomfort to me.

Here in Britain, it's hot. It's summertime and people are seeing fuel. It's hot. Some of them are at the beach and others are having Barbies and drinking more liquid less clothes are being worn and it doesn't rain much this temporary state of affairs is caused by the surface of the Earth getting closer to the Sun as the result of being on a tilted axis.

As we orbit the Sun. This tilt is first leaning in then leaning out. And the effect of this leaning in and out over a year gives us the seasons. None of this is news.

We just like it. Business fucking up the planet to make money continues sport. Anything with a bat will consume your life outside work. And now the weather on Earth will continue to orbit the Sun for another 5 billion years.

Have a nice weekend.