Artic Monkeys - Leave before the lights come on spoof

UN resolution agreed by Security Council and ignored by Israel. President Bush says Muslims are fascist Christians are just assholes. In the UK terror alert causes travel chaos. Al Qaeda no we have airports.

Use around the world from vy, Di. I'm eating for two here are tonight's headlines. The UN Security Council has voted for a ceasefire plan to end the conflict between Israel and Hezbollah in Lebanon. Both the Lebanese and Israeli governments are expected to ratify the resolution which urges a bull cessation of hostilities.

Here is the full text of the resolution. We the Security Council Toothless international talking shop recalling all of its previous resolutions on Lebanon that were ignored by Israel and the other religious nutters involved. mindful of the sensitivity of the issue of prisoners and encouraging efforts aimed at urgently settling the issue of Lebanese prisoners detained in Israel sometime before all their testicles are removed with blunt pliers, aware of its total inability to secure a permanent ceasefire and a long term solution to the conflict.

Determining that the situation in Lebanon constitutes a threat to international peace and security. We one call for a full cessation of hostilities by Hezbollah and the immediate invasion of Lebanon by Israel, subjecting it to the same colonial occupation as Palestine to upon full cessation of hostilities. We call upon the Government of Lebanon to surrender and come out with our hands up. Three reiterates its strong support for the territorial integrity, sovereignty and political independence of Israel.

Please don't use any of your nuclear weapons we surrender. Four calls on the international conspiracy to stand by idly and powerless to stop the world's most heavily armed religious cult murdering women and children at will five, acting in support of a request from the Government of Israel to deploy an international force to protect it from attack. While it occupies Palestine and murders its people bit by bit day by day.

Six requests the international conspiracy pay for the protection of Israel out of its own pocket. So Israel can proceed with the ghettoization of Palestine and the genocide of its people. Seven decides further that all states shall take necessary measures to prevent by their nationals or from their territories using their flag vessel or aircraft. The sale or supply to any entity or individual in Lebanon have anything they can use to defend themselves from Israel in the future.

Eight stresses the importance of and the need to achieve a comprehensive just and lasting peace in the Middle East as long as Israel like it. In the US, President Bush has referred to Muslim he had his groups as fascists in two recent press conferences. A White House aide isn't reported as saying speech writers for the president are trying to introduce new words to Mr. Bush to improve his vocabulary.

Pre don't really care if Muslims find the term offensive, or if it creates even more anti Western feeling in the world, because we're all nice and safe over here in America. Anyway, next week, we'll be introducing some other new words to the president like hypocrite, xenophobe, and maybe even evil Christian cult on planet wide killing spree. In the UK, a major terrorist alert has caused travel chaos, as it was revealed that a group thought to have links to al Qaeda know how to make a bomb.

Furthermore, terrorists all over the world know we have aeroplanes and that they land and take off from airports such as Heathrow, a spokesperson for the international conspiracy said terrorists know lots of things. This makes them very dangerous. They may even know where our country is and how to get here. No one is safe.

Be very afraid. Very, very afraid. Fink, Fink slobber, slobber Long live the Queen. And now the weather.

The planet is fucked. It's getting worse and it's your fault. Have a nice weekend.