FKN Newz 2006-08-01

Bird Flu kills no one to death. You must fear it anyway. Suicide bird flu kills 70 in Baghdad, bloody civil war flu sweeps Iraq. Gene Pitney dies in his sleep no birds involved as far as we know. us around the world from vy Di.

I'm easily pleased here at tonight's headlines. Bird Flu kills no one as it reaches Scotland. Hospitals are not overflowing with the sick and dying in Fife. A dead swan has sparked the latest super hype about a virus which killed as many people in one year as suicide bombers killing a day.

A spokesman for men and five said yeah, don't worry about it. Five, so we had plenty of diseased birds, and they haven't killed us yet. Women around five reacted angrily to the suggestion they were diseased by saying bird flu as we all know is very scary. So be afraid, be very afraid.

But don't stop buying chicken. Police have set up exclusion zones around supermarkets and butchers all over Scotland, and have been stopping and searching consumers to make sure they're still buying chicken. Meanwhile, news organizations around the world have been ignoring the 8 million niggers starving to death in Africa, the murder of Palestinians and theft of their land by Israel, the fake war on terror.

the construction of the United States of America and the exploitation of millions of Asian children fueling our cheap iPod football top and trainer lifestyle. But so what and who gives a fuck anyway, with 6.5 billion people on the planet? There's too many of us anyway, let the darkies die and those little Asian children suffer for our benefit. We deserve it.

We are the clever clean Christian consumers for whom no amount of selfishness self interest, greed or decadent desire is too much. Fuck the world. I want a better car, cheaper electronic goods and low cost clothing. Anyway, since we're all Christian, no matter how much we look the other way.

Fuck up the planet screw people over when we die. God's gonna forgive us and welcome us to heaven. Amen. Brothers and sisters praise the Lord and God bless the Third Reich I mean capitalism.

In Baghdad, suicide birds have killed 70 people in Iraq. The birds disguised as moderate clerics walked through the marketplaces of Baghdad, preaching tolerance and moderation, but secretly they carry the deadly virus h five n one. Not to be confused with the non deadly practice of strapping explosives to yourselves, detonating them in crowded places while shoting God is great. The deadly suicide bomber virus is thought to have infected many clerics in Iraq, but so far hasn't been shown to affect people of other faiths.

This so called cross faith scenario is feared by health organizations across the world. A spokesman for the Red Cross didn't say if the suicide virus mutates and is able to infect other religious people, we will have a serious global problem with spiritual leaders everywhere, blowing people up in an attempt to resolve their problems. Governments around the world have urged calm, not saying it's perfectly safe to believe in God.

There is no risk to believers of any faith at the moment. And worship and prayer should continue as normal, especially as it helps us control and oppress so many of you. The last thing we want are millions of people who believe this is their only life on Earth, and something should be done to make it as much fun as possible for everyone. No, no, no.

We want you all to believe that although your life on Earth sucks when you die, God will reward you for meekly living in hell letting us fuck you over for a buck and ignoring the suffering of millions taking part in the extinction of one species a day and the exploitation of all those little Asian children. Praise the Lord. God bless the Third Reich. I mean America, I mean capitalism.

I mean, my God Zika infura. Gene Pitney has died in his sleep, famous for songs like 24 hours from Tulsa, and something's got a hold of my heart, Gene day to day in his sleep. We don't know if something really did get a hold of his heart until after the autopsy.

But one thing's for certain East considerably farther than 24 hours from telson that a spokesman for iTunes said why don't you download some of Jean stuff from iTunes so we can make some cash? I mean, remember what a great artist he was. A spokesman for HMV said come to our store and buy a copy of jeans greatest hits album to show your respect for him. and help us sell all those copies we've had stashed in the basement for a year as gathering dust.

He went on to say we're hoping Paul McCartney would die soon because we've got shitloads of his stuff down there to the Rolling Stones or to play China this summer. A Chinese spokesman said they will have to tone down some of the racy lyrics from hits like brown sugar, and let's spend a night together because we find it offensive. Meanwhile, in the rest of China, children are forced to work down mines and in factories, and people are still tortured to death in their prisons for political beliefs.

The stone spokesman said we're going to see where our T shirts are made. We get them for one pence each and sell them for 25 pounds to Galgo mugs I mean, fans who come to the shows and now the weather. Have a nice weekend.