The Newz Jan 8 2006

international news of no significance whatsoever as 50 species a day go extinct. Commercial item of no news value whatsoever possibly sport or a Hollywood film. In the UK celebrity drama distracts nation brainwashed by Queen's procedures. allies around the world from v y d i. I'm in the groove.

Here are tonight's top stories. International News is irrelevant and of no significance at all claimed a spokesperson for people who've recently read the book and think they can see what's really going on. The top story tonight and every night is the extinction of 50 unique species of life on Earth every single day. Part of the biggest mass extinctions since the dinosaurs 65 million years ago, as reported by environmental scientists recently.

They went on not to say there are 6.5 billion humans on Earth, the death of most of them would be no great loss, a successful breeding population, you'd only be 100,000. So I say let's have a coal. The Earth desperately needs a break from all you stupid savages whose material obsession is destroying your own planet. In order to save millions of other irreplaceable life forms we recommend the following course of action, secretly create the circumstances for a nuclear war.

Then bomb all major cities on earth wiping out 95% of humans. Few of us will then emerge from bunkers and join the Aborigines in dream time living in harmony with nature and eating witchetty grubs. More on that story later. In a commercial item of no news value whatsoever, current affairs programs all over the world have been mentioning sporting events or Hollywood movies.

Maybe the manager of some crappy team got sacked. Maybe we got a peek at some starlets, knickers that she stepped out of our limo. Whatever the reason, you can be sure that less interesting stories about exploitation, poverty, disease, corruption and fraud have gone unreported. A spokesperson for the evil fascist corporation that rules over us all with an iron fist didn't say that after a hard day at work, not having any rights to share in the resources or responsibilities of the planet you were born on.

The last thing we want you to see, I mean, the last thing you want to see is the undeniable truth of the evil fraud being put upon you. So enough with the pictures of children killed in their hundreds by arms manufacturers and religious cults over tax concessions and small change. Let's have some nice news. Something interesting but not relevant, entertaining, but not stimulating, dramatic but not factual.

I'm sure you know the kind of news I'm talking about there. In the UK, celebrities cloned from genetic material stored in ratings, created overnight by hypnotism and repetitive marketing have been born. But hit show big brother gave birth to several celebrities over the summer. Although doctors say they all appear to be in perfect health.

Their lives could be short lived and painful. A spokesperson for their parents didn't say we don't care how long they live. What's important is knowing we can create them. Okay, so they're doomed to a life of grubbing about for appearance money until they fade into obscurity.

But we've made so much from them already. We don't give a fuck. Although the Queen was mentioned in the headlines of the story we would like to point out that reference to the population of Britain being brainwashed skinnies for the queen and kept in control by the Center for a pussy juices will be made now. Thank you.

In other news, the Earth isn't under attack from evil religious cults money's not what we're doing it all for honest. There's no point in looking after the Earth. It's too late. So

let's just chop all the trees down anyway. The Queen's okay, we don't need to get rid of her on the planet. We'll be fine in the hands of those greedy rich people over there. You betcha.

Now the weather have been swamped. It's your responsibility, and it's getting worse. Have a nice weekend.