The 9/11 Conspiracy News Anniversary Special
Transcript
President Bush confesses we did 911 So we could be rich and rule the world, or soldiers die building the oil pipeline in Afghanistan. I mean fighting terror in the UK, Tony bush. I mean, Tony Blair announces I'll decide when I'm not in charge. noose around the world from vy Di. I'm carefully packaged.
Here are tonight's headlines. In America, George Bush has confessed the team Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, Masada and some other evil people planned and executed the 911 trade center and Pentagon attacks. They went on not to say we wanted to be rich and control as much of Earth as possible, explained Rumsfeld. And we wanted people to give up their freedom and fight a fake war set genie and we wanted to screw the insurance company said my said that's why we bought the World Trade Center a month before they blew up, I mean, planes crashed into them, and insure them for billions against terrorist attack.
Nice move. So with the combined resources of two of the world's most deadly, devious, conniving fascist intelligence communities, we stage managed the 911 attack, we stole all the gold bullion beneath the World Trade Center, just like in that plot from the diehard movie. And we get to justify holy war across the planet. We get to invade Iraq and and Afghanistan securing their resources and allowing our oil pipelines to be built.
We get the taxpayer to swallow massive military spending, curtailment of their freedoms, torture of innocent people and the death of their children and a fake war recreated. President Bush then continued. The only reason we're telling you this now is because you can't stop us. So it's time we stop pretending this is a democracy and started telling it like it is if I we own the planet between us, the Chinese, the Russians and the Europeans.
It's all over. We own all the land all the resources, and you're just here to work the fields and machines for us, so get used to it. Think fixed slobber slobber, long lived the area of the planet designated as America by internationally agreed treaties. In a related story, more soldiers have died protecting the oil and gas pipeline construction project in Afghanistan.
The reasons for the invasion of Afghanistan, as we've now discovered were totally bogus. Evil oil corporations have been trying to build a pipeline from Azerbaijan to Pakistan, through the south of the country. But the Taliban wanted too much money so they were cut out of the deal and make to suffer big style. Meanwhile, since somebody stands to make $100 million a day when the pipeline is complete.
the death of a few taxpayers children is unlikely to slow the effort to build what would be a symbol of the times we live in just another part of the planet destroying human killing life extinct thing fake economy, we're all part of more on that story leader. In the UK, Tony Blair has been forced to make a public statement about his leadership. After a week of resignations and speculation about his departure.
In a speech to a left wing think tank in London. He didn't say the following. You ungrateful shower of bastards. I bought this party back from the wilderness of politics and this is the thanks I get, well, fuck you.
I'm off. Now that I've involved us in the fake war on terror all over Earth and I've signed up the country for more nuclear power, more nuclear missiles, more submarines and endless defense spending to kill people in countries most of you can't spell. I'm off yet. Within a year I'll be sunning, myself in the Caribbean as a consultant for the offshore banking sector.
And you'll all be here trying to get out of the mess I've made. So long suckers. sport football is said to be much more interesting until sometime after Christmas. Business money's still worth fucking up the planet for and now the weather plan. It's fine.
It's your fault, and it's getting worse. Have a nice weekend.
Themes in this episode
Analysis essay
The date is the fifth anniversary week of 9/11, when the Bush administration was again tying the attacks to the “war on terror,” detainee policy, Iraq, and Afghanistan. On September 6, Bush publicly defended military commissions and framed Afghanistan, Iraq, and other fronts as one global struggle against terrorist enemies. In Britain, Tony Blair was in a leadership crisis: after ministerial resignations and open Labour pressure, he announced on September 7 that the next Labour conference would be his last as leader, setting up his 2007 departure. The Afghanistan pipeline material draws on older Unocal/Taliban and TAPI pipeline arguments, which were common in anti-war and conspiracy circles.
Deek’s parody is not subtle: he stages the ultimate “truth movement” fantasy, with Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Mossad, and financiers simply confessing to 9/11 as a resource-war and police-state operation. The fake confession bundles many familiar 9/11 conspiracy claims: insider insurance, stolen gold, false-flag terror, curtailed freedoms, torture, Iraq, Afghanistan, and holy war. The Blair section mirrors this by presenting him as “Tony Bush,” a junior partner who has already delivered Britain into nuclear renewal, militarism, and endless foreign war before leaving office.
The recurring FKN themes are at maximum volume: New World Order rule, fake democracy, oil pipelines, bankster/corporate power, the war on terror as theater, and ordinary soldiers dying for elite wealth. The Afghanistan item converts military deaths into labor costs for empire: taxpayers’ children protect infrastructure and profits. The satire’s extremity is part of the point. Whether or not the claims are factual, Deek is capturing the emotional logic of the mid-2000s anti-war fringe: official reality itself is treated as the biggest conspiracy, and the only honest newscast is one where the rulers admit the scam.