FKN Newz 2007-01-14

Hi, I'm Dee Jackson, welcome to the standard news. Your lives are miserably short. And while you're here on earth for a very brief period of time, cosmologically speaking, a small group of incredibly wealthy and powerful elite people will try and exploit your life as much as possible to their benefit.

This will include but not exclude your slavery, your torture, your physical incarceration, your mental mindfuck Oh, Deke, you went to those conspiracy theorists that you wanted those conspiracy theorists, do you think it's still a big conspiracy because NetKey do that where it is not run by an even fascist corporation that rules over his own. There is no conspiracy.

There's just a bunch of greedy, loathsome individuals, the kind of person who had school suffered some indignity in the playground and thought to themselves when I grow up, I'm gonna find myself in a position of influence, and then I'm gonna fuck everybody else's life up and stop everybody else having a good time. I'm gonna be in control. I'm gonna send people to their death.

Yeah, there's no conspiracy. Just a bunch of raving psychopathic fuckers in charge of everything. No conspiracy there. In the news this week, President Bush announces he's to send more troops to Iraq.

Did anybody else think Well, President Bush was making that speech that he was a brutal zombie. Where mistakes have been made? The responsibility lies with me. I am the ultimate commander.

It has also been agreed to send 5000 more troops to I will say anything that is on the autocue Rumsfeld and Cheney rule the world Lily Lily Lily, I am unable to zombie. Oh, President Bush Of course, cannot stand for reelection. Which may be why he is now so bold.

Who's gonna stop me? Ah, the whole world and their dog don't want me to send more troops to Iraq. The Iraq Study Group looked at the problem for years, a panel of eminent intellectuals from the cross party of America looked at the problem from every conceivable angle and decided we should take troops out of Iraq me. I will send them in.

There's only one thing you need to know about George W. Bush in order to see it into his soul window into his character the defining telling element of his personality. On New Year's Day, George Bush likes to go out with a chainsaw and cut trees down

not dead trees not trees that the wind blew on the road and need to be removed perfectly good living trees and Happy New Year. Happy New Year my see Holy Jesus. 100 years of nature to grow the tree a perfectly healthy oak.

Hazel a beach an L George W M last Happy New Year to myself. I'm going to kill something something beautiful something timeless. I'm gonna send more troops to Iraq.

Even though nobody wants you to. Even though victory is impossible on me. Barbara de Iran. Oh, that's

my Mommy. Oh, Laura deer have been come coming me. Yeah, George Bush. He's the kind of guy I'd like to be in charge you see nothing, nothing at all.

Do you think the aliens would talk to if they came to Earth? They'd go to America and talk to Bush. What are things we have been tuning into your broadcasts? We are a highly advanced civilization from across the galaxy.

We have advanced technology. We are spiritually evolve intellectual giants. And we have decided to make contact with you earthlings. Can we talk to your top leader.

I'll say anything that's on the auto queue. These aliens aren't evil. They're part of the Elvis of axle. The axle of Elvis.

I believe these aliens represent a clear and present danger to the United States of America and our allies. I believe that our Qaeda and al Qaeda sell al Qaeda al Qaeda is become like a tick. It's like the American Can government that's got Tourette's I eat up.

Okay, you're hanging out in the corner of the street. Let's kill them. I'll tell you you're okay either. Okay.

These people told me later on in the UK said we should prepare for a generation of war. Put me right off shagging. I can tell you there I was feeling all warm and fuzzy that we get it on.

Oh, honey, feeling a little warm furry inside. Tony Blair says we should prepare for a generation of warfare. Generation of warfare.

I'm reaching for the condom now because the last thing I want is to have children that can serve in this fucking deluded, capitalist fucking arm again. It's like the bogeyman al Qaeda. Somebody should make a film. You know, one of those slasher movies can imagine what the film of al Qaeda would be like.

It'd be like Halloween. You get out KD be a horrible psychopath going about murdering people. He blew himself up again and again and again. Okay, you thought you'd blow yourself up in a suicide bomb?

Yeah. Now he's dead. Then all the bits come together like in The Terminator movie. And how can you do with join himself up again and rise from the ground?

Putting together as bloody pulp into a cohesive suicide bomber one more time? How can you die by Ha ha. You can never kill our war forever.

Prepare for a generation of wars is Tony Blair. I think he's being optimistic. Prepare for war or ever.

Your and your children's children will be fighting and killing and killing and fighting until we have suppressed the sand beggar and anyone who disagrees with Walmart, McDonald's, Walt Disney and Sony i are hanging out on my street corner. Okay, either fact my wife selling my children drugs. I either didn't build my car properly.

I'll tell you what I made my washing machine blow up two days after the warranty was I felt responsible for all evil in the world. Thanks. And now the weather. In the real news, the weather would go something like this.

The polar icecaps are melting at an increasing rate, and it's likely the world's oceans will be a meter higher within the next 30 years, slumping Bangladesh, Holland and many other low lying countries in the world and destroying the homes of up to 1 billion people still no threat to the species. Thank you and good night.