FKN Newz 2007-03-16

Hi landless peasant slaves. I'm more than happy. Welcome to the fucking news. In the headlines tonight, the war on terror is finally over.

That's right. The War on Terror came to an end today as America announced they had captured the man who committed every terror act ever in 64 million years of arts history. Yes, that's right. The War on Terror is now over after America announced al Qaeda leader and 911 mastermind Kelly chick Muhammad has confessed to a total of 9471 terrorist attacks.

In a lengthy confession Khalif confessed to the following evil terror atrocities. tempting Eve with forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden. Just one right time. crucifying Jesus along with evil Roman al Qaeda operatives. Setting the Great Fire of London hijacking a meteor to kill the dinosaurs spreading the black plague across Europe sinking the Titanic assassinating JFK hypnotizing Sirhan Sirhan center killed Robert Kennedy, threatening Nixon for Watergate.

creating communism blowing up the Hindenburg starting the first world war dropping an atom bomb on Hiroshima and feeding Elvis too many burgers. Yes, he did it all. Every single one of them was an evil clever guy. What a clever evil God, what an incredibly evil and yet clever person he is, as well as planning and executing these terrible attacks.

Now the Sheikh Mohammed is known to have supported evil throughout the ages of man and been a close friend of Emperor Nero, Genghis Khan, Louie the 14th Kaiser Wilhelm Stallard, Hitler Pol Pot, Idi Amin. and more is led to confession contains details of al Qaeda support for and funding of global warring famine, poverty and things that go bump in the night Bucha some commentators have raised doubts about the credibility of this confession.

due to the fact that the CIA torture attempted relentlessly for three years in secret together these people were swiftly led away and shot in the head by masa Bender relatives all met with mysterious accidents, I suppose personally and for saying people said. I don't know what I'm more afraid of the thought that our security forces are psychopathic, torturing killers who will stop at nothing to achieve their ends?

Or that there's a large number of people in the population who might actually believe this shit, but that scared shit. Newsflash, this just didn't want to speak Khalid Sheikh Mohammed have produced a revised confession which reads as follows I please take the electrodes off my testicles. I'll say your anything you want. Ie cough wax flutter.

I shagged lady die. It's true. I'm Prince Harry the bastards father. I sold Iran all the nuclear weapon technology and made the Chinese a global economic superpower.

It was me I put the Gherkin in the Big Mac ah, in the UK, Tony Blair and the Labour have pushed through a vote to replace striking nuclear weapons system with the support of the Tory opposition, despite a large protest vote from his own party. many of whom remember having principles, Tony Blair emerged from the votes triumphant and unapologetic. He didn't say the following. Fuck you all.

I won't be Prime Minister in three months, so it doesn't matter. What's important is that I rushed through as much Tory policy for big business and the war machine as possible. Anyway, George Bush and the wacky Republican Christians are going to start nuclear Armageddon soon. And I mean, the world is a dangerous place and we want to be part of the danger.

I mean part of the peaceful international conspiracy community with nuclear weapons rather than a hot smoky place where nothing grows for 50,000 years, Gordon Brown in a response to his party seeming fascist capitalist agenda didn't say, well. many people will remember me saying in the 80s I would spend the money on Trump, but I wouldn't spend the money on trying to win our public services are needed for much investment to these people, I would just like to say I was a hypocrite then I'm a hypocrite.

So shut the fuck up and go shopping. But that's what y'all want. Anyway, don't listen to me about crumbling services and economic slavery. You all want to live on credit from a bank by that cheap ship from China and then you want to get past and have a holiday in Greece and drive a better car than your neighbor.

So you can oh fuck off again. Thank God I'm gonna lose any sleep about selling you self serving petty minded landless fucking peasant safe to Amman. Thank you. Thanks.

And now the weather on the planet is not fuck it was all just a call Have a plot by Khalid Sheikh Mohammed who will now be sentenced to death after a fair trial. It's not your fault, but we're looking for something else that is so don't get any funny ideas taxes will still be paid. Okay? It's not getting any worse honestly always meant to be bozos around the world.

We've been with you throughout the ages. We are the Mr. ons the Aztecs, the Romans, the Greeks, the Mongol hordes, the royalty of Europe and the Ming Dynasty. We are the evil fascist corporation that rules over you all with an iron fist and a little help from our brothers in various churches are being amusement and delusion. So pay attention, believe what we say and don't think too much or ask too many questions and everything will be fine.

Have a nice weekend.