FKN Newz 2008-06-27

Unknown Speaker 00:00 All campsites are run by wealthy gangsters to breed morons and make shit. humanity faces future of radioactive death or interstellar conquest. Universe ambivalent about creation of organic life saved mineral deposits. Hello, campers.

Welcome to the fucking news. I'm only here for the beer and beer are the headlines tonight. What on earth a rare cosmic gem, a pale blue.an oasis of life, possibly the most unique creation of nature in all time, potentially, the only place intelligent life of any kind has existed in the entire universe ever. Home to the human being a sentient biped with the ability to fashion tools, harness natural resources, understand mathematics and create music.

Given these amazing ingredients, you might expect Earth to be a place of Wonder among humans to our fragile cosmic cave systems, a place of beauty and creativity where humans cherish and care for the unparalleled treasures nature has unveiled on this island Earth, but you'd be wrong. Instead, welcome to campsite are our wretched industrial prison ruled by violent destructive gangsters didn't habited by poorly educated, dumb, dumb consumers whose purpose in life is to make the few banksters who own the campsite even more money in the fake makeshift ancient economy they created?

Oh yeah, earth wasn't always a campsite. A long time ago, it was just a field and anybody could wander around and pitch their tents and cook their beans. Soon there were a lot of tents and arguments about where to ship and how much water there was. So some people sharpened sticks and began killing other campers or forcing them to pitch their tents in the shit or far away from the water.

After a while the field was full of permanent tents surrounded by sharp sticks. People had to pick which tend to live in and pay tax to the people who sharpened sticks tend hism An irrational belief in the superiority of your tent and its place in the field. Distorted human minds, they believe they lived in their tents instead of the field. Wars raged. across the fields, tents were burned down and replaced with rival tents.

Some tents claimed God created the field and that their tent was special. Others said there was only one way to build a tent and all tents should be built like there's these wars and disagreements were soon exploited by evil humans who knew very well that God didn't make the field and that none of the tents were special. They preyed on the foolishness of tent ism and created capitalism. An economic system based on selling bits of the field your tent was on to other tents.

They took over the nicest tents by lending money at interest and then crashing the tents economy or by selling sharper sticks to tents next door. They encouraged tent ism and the belief in God and the mythical after site, a lovely campsite to go to after death. Soon people didn't mind living as slaves. They didn't remember the whole field was theirs.

And they didn't notice the fences and the signs going on. Campsite Earth private property, no trespassing remain in your tent, obey your 10 floors. People who tried to get rid of tents or who said there was no campsite only a field were killed or locked up. And so were the people who said capitalism and tent isn't we're not the only way to live in the field.

Now campsite Earth is owned by the people who live in the big tent. They control all the resources all the other tents with money sharp sticks and mumbo jumbo about the after sight the mythical life after death where you won't have to pay taxes or eat shit. Meanwhile, the glory of existence the pinnacle of life in the universe is given over to the production of shit we don't need to be sold to morons who don't need it for the benefit of assholes who live in the big tent.

Welcome to planet are more on that story later. futurologists mad scientist and leader of the mysterious astronomers cult or dodo notice Monday claims human life on planet Earth faces only two futures radioactive death or interstellar exploration. The claims made in his new book What are you fucking stupid? have split the scientific world in half. One half claiming user dangerous fraud while the other say he's simply barking mad.

Men an exclusive statement to the fucking news or dono explains his controversial claims Unknown Speaker 04:42 I will be here forever. You won't be here forever.

Nothing lasts forever. One day we'll all be gone. Birth won't be here forever. Humanity with all its potential and all its flaws will not last for however well known. that species come and go for a million years if you're lucky.

So also well known the earth subject to many natural disasters catechisms super volcanoes, rocks from space and variations in the temperature causing lengthy ice ages. If we humans are to survive, it will not be on Earth. Even our own activities could soon wipe us from the surface of this hallowed sphere. Since enough radioactive material now exists on earth to wipe us all out several times over.

Thank you nuclear physicists, this material will require hundreds of 1000s of years of technical maintenance meaning we will have to maintain generation after generation of nuclear scientists to look after that shit. Otherwise we all gonna die. The alternative to dying from our own poison they'll be in fried by the sun in a billion years is the Salif off into the stars to accidents our home planet, to reach out to the stars to penetrate the blackness of space with our life?

See, no yeah, baby, to go from this place to another and live on in the universe, and live on in universe traveling the eternal road of infinite study, wherever it may lead us, these are our choices. stay here and face the suns expanded photosphere or our own radioactive poison, or voyage into space time to conquer that I mean, explore all that there is join me at the astronomers.org if you want to live for space time.

Unknown Speaker 06:39 In a related story, mineral deposits, photons and other inorganic elements of the cosmos have been loving the universe for a higher status in the grand scheme of things, especially in relation to organic life. What spokesperson for inorganic matter and other elements gave us this imaginary statement. So what's so special about organic life?

And what does it do that so important, I tell you, all organic life in the universe could disappear tomorrow and nobody would notice. Stars will still shine, gravity will still gravitate. Moons will still orbit planets, dust clouds will burst into new stars in the giant nebula of the universe. photons will slip across the void. Exploding stars will create all the elements other than hydrogen.

We the inorganic matter and the laws of physics governing our existence. We're that shiznit we're what's going on brother, we make it happen. And we're tired of playing second fiddle to backs of bacteria, most of which smell and leave a sticky mess everywhere. When do we get a god or even a deity?

Then even a little mythology would be nice. We're tired of organic matter getting all the router. What's so fucking special about the structure of a cell anyway, if you want something to be in all all check out quasars, black holes, gamma rays, rank fix lat. Long live the laws of thermodynamics and the unifying theory of everything when it gets here.

Thanks. And now the weather, the Earth's biosphere will be destroyed in a million years by the expanding sun. Humans may be too stupid to do anything about it, in which case inanimate objects will finally rule the universe. Have a nice weekend.