FKN Newz 2006-06-16
Transcript
Iran says let's talk about nuclear Armageddon. This week's bummer of the week, the Iraqi shoe bomber in the UK, England and possibly the greatest football team in the world bad news around the world from vyD i I'm clean shaven. Here are tonight's headlines. Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has welcomed a large check offered to stop its nuclear program as a step forward.
He said he had instructed his colleagues to consider the amount offered by the US Europe, Russia and China carefully. In his first response to the office offer. The President didn't insist we are seeking to develop nuclear weapons and bomb fuck out of America's nasty little friend Israel for stealing lands, torturing prisoners and murdering little children. The West has demanded that Iran stop enriching uranium a process that fears may be used to level the playing fields and give non Judeo Christian nutters as much nuclear cloud as the West.
Iran says its program is solely for the destruction of Israel. I mean, production of energy, and that enrichment is it's right. On Thursday, Iranian state media said the Islamic Republic of Iran will not succumb to pressure, and it considers the continuation of its mad crazy nutjob religious extremism Its main objective. He wasn't quoted as saying Iran has been offered a supply of enriched uranium from Russia as part of a range of incentives.
They are also thought to include offers of assistance to Iran in building a lightwater nuclear reactor for civilian pollution of the planet plus financial incentives. Mr. Ahmadinejad said Iran would formally respond to the offer after we count the zeros on the check you lovely rich, practical capitalist evil people. If accepted, this change in policy will herald a new era of global politics where countries agreed to settle their differences with cash, not bombs, I mean, diplomacy, not aggression, long lived capitalism and God bless the dollar.
In Iraq, at least 11 people have been killed and 25 injured in a suspected suicide shoe bomb attack at a Shia mosque in Baghdad. The suicide shoe is said to have been loafing around the mosque before the explosion. A spokesperson for no one in particular didn't say it's time we gave these people the boot. I would they like it if the shoe was on the other foot.
It's events like this that clog up our hospitals. I don't know if our people can sandal I mean handle this any longer. If only we could get a toe in the water of peace. I am sure the sole reason for attacks like this are to sling back the progress of Iraq.
So let's not flip flop a boat with the issue. It's time we put our foot down. Friday's attack was the biggest in Baghdad since Thursday. In the UK, World Cup fever grips the nation as England go through to the playoffs.
It's quite possible that England are the greatest football team in the world after a marginal last minute victory over Trinidad and Tobago, the smallest country in the competition, and a slim one nil victory over Paraguay. Now all that stands in the way of our boys triumphant the lifting of the cup are the 15 greatest teams in the world. No problem, Mr. Fantastic aka the rubber man crouch, the Boy Wonder Hopalong Rooney and Captain shaven will make short work of them on the road to victory forwards upwards and onwards for the greater glory of Her Majesty, the pride of our xenophobic nation and the veneration of Our Lord think slobber, slobber rant.
And now, the weather the planet sparked. It's your fault, and it's getting worse. Have a nice weekend.
Themes in this episode
Analysis essay
This episode comes during the June 2006 nuclear negotiations with Iran, when the US, EU, Russia, and China offered incentives if Tehran suspended uranium enrichment. Deek translates diplomacy into a payoff: Iran is not persuaded by morality but by the number of zeroes on the cheque. The joke is that capitalism may succeed where military threats fail, because everyone—religious states, secular powers, Russia, Europe, America—ultimately understands money. In Iraq, the continuing Baghdad bombings are reduced to a grotesque “shoe bomber” pun sequence, while Britain is absorbed by World Cup fever after England’s narrow wins over Paraguay and Trinidad and Tobago.
The Iran segment parodies both sides. Ahmadinejad is mocked as a religious extremist with violent anti-Israel rhetoric, but the West is mocked just as hard for its nuclear double standard: “Judeo-Christian nutters” already possess the bomb, while Iran’s enrichment is treated as uniquely apocalyptic. The “civilian pollution of the planet” line also folds nuclear energy into Deek’s environmental pessimism. The Baghdad shoe-bomb routine is intentionally stupid, a stream of puns over mass death, exposing how repetitive Iraq violence has become numbing television filler.
The football segment attacks English nationalism. Scraping past smaller teams becomes proof that England are “possibly the greatest football team in the world,” and patriotic sporting excitement is tied to monarchy, xenophobia, and religious slobbering. Recurring FKN themes are nuclear hypocrisy, religious fanaticism, capitalism as universal language, Iraq’s endless bloodshed, climate doom, and mass distraction. The World Cup does not merely entertain; it helps suspend thought while bombs, oil, and diplomatic bribery continue offscreen.