FKN Newz 2007-06-15
Transcript
Everything is great. Protest is unnecessary say unelected owners of the world. shops are open now and shopping is fun to save money printing rulers of the world. We are the goodies and they are the baddies. Rulers.
Welcome to the fucking years, just trying to help. Here are tonight's top stories. All the people with the world rejoice tonight just the benign World Government announced everything is okay. No problems whatsoever for the people to worry about.
There certainly isn't anything worth protesting against and there is no need to think about a better way of doing things because this is the only way and it's the best way reports that the earth is being destroyed the gold life on it exploited to make a few rich banking families even richer are the rantings of crazy losers who will soon be hunted down and shocked. The lives of all humans on earth filled with joy and happiness of their leaders are all honest, honorable people who would never dream of buying, stealing, killing and conspiring to deceive the mass of poorly educated humans under their control.
They certainly wouldn't create fake wars to screw war taxes over the population. Nor would they hide nationalism and the belief in mumbo jumbo voodoo gods in order to control vast numbers of sheep like unthinking landless zombie peasants. No, they wouldn't do that. In order for everything to continue being great and super lovely.
The planet must be owned by unelected businesses called corporations. These corporations will help the banks keep your debt until you die, then your children can take over your debt payments till they die and so on. Even if you don't owe any money personally, your non existent country will owe money so you can pay that debt. This way of doing things has been agreed upon by all the very rich banking families of the world.
These people are very, very nice and only want to continue being super rich and in charge of your life and all of the resources on the planet, which is only fair since they are very, very rich. So don't complain. Don't protest. Don't discuss an alternative.
Just pay for your life and shut the fuck up or we'll kill you. In a related story, the shop owning rulers of the world and knights today that the shops are open and you can buy things in them. Yes, shops full of stuff you don't need made by destroying the planet you live on are now open. Once inside a shop, you can exchange money or debt for useless, tawdry items that distract you from the existential nightmare of existence.
And don't worry if you don't have any money or debt because you can get that in the shop. A spokesperson for shops explained to us how the whole thing works. Well, it's quite simple, really. Once we've taken all the land away from people and cleaned all the resources of the planet belong to a business, we wrap it up and sell it back to the people with a profit and they don't notice or care because they're lazy and poorly educated.
In fact, many of them think we're doing them a favor. You see, we've done away with all forms of community and made the idea of sharing or cooperation seems scary and lower class. So the more people buy, the better off they think they are. Yes, the less able you are to provide for yourself, the more money we make, it's really fucking clever, isn't it?
In the UK, the top egg laying benign leader of the world Queen Elizabeth Nazi fascist the second has announced that she and her family are the goodies and people who don't agree on these pictures of people smiling and waving irrelevant flags and non existent countries were shown. While the announcement was made to reinforce the idea that if you hate the inherited power, wealth and privilege of this bunch of murdering fascist, thieving, war mongering despots, you are a baddie.
it's only right and fitting the people whose armies conquered you hundreds of years ago should continue to enjoy lives of unparalleled luxury. Their henchmen the aristocracy should continue to possess the land of your country and sit in judgment on your laws. And you should shut the fuck up and accept your law as a landless peasant. endowed as you are by the grace of tyranny with the right to vote in a pointless election every five years to appoint people who suck up to big business and feed you to a giant corporation and arrange for profit to be made from your need for water, shelter, food.
medical treatment, education and so on. Yes, the goodies are in charge, and it's only bad news that don't want them to be. So go back to work each shift and be happy after all things could be worse. And if you don't behave, make sure they are so well live because sticky, sweet smell of her match.
Your Majesty the planets lovely. Nothing needs to change. You're happy with your logs, and you always will be a nice weekend. Oh, I've got the real news stuff.
The Palestinians Oh the concentration camp of Gaza ah say me send the police
Themes in this episode
Analysis essay
This June 15 episode is less a response to one headline than to the post-G8, post-Blair interregnum mood of mid-2007: global leaders had just posed as climate and aid managers in Germany, Gordon Brown was about to take over from Blair, and Queen Elizabeth II had recently been part of ceremonial state-pageantry with George W. Bush. The specific news peg seems to be elite reassurance itself: summits, royal statements, shopping economies, and official claims that Western governments are the sane, democratic “goodies” against dangerous outsiders and extremists.
The parody is written as pure inversion. The “benign World Government” says everything is fine, protest is unnecessary, shops are open, and the rulers are nice. Of course, every reassurance exposes the accusation underneath: corporations own the planet, banks own the future through debt, countries are legal fictions, and ordinary people are trained to accept rent, tax, consumer goods, and national myths as reality. The shop monologue is one of Deek’s clearest anti-consumerist bits: land and resources are stolen, repackaged, and sold back to the dispossessed, who mistake dependency for prosperity.
The recurring FKN themes are almost abstracted into doctrine here: New World Order, bankster families, corporate ownership, debt slavery, monarchy, nationalism, religion as mind control, and consumer capitalism as spiritual anesthesia. The Queen section folds British patriotism into the same logic: rulers define themselves as “goodies” and dissenters as enemies. The episode’s force comes from its mock-cheerful tone. Instead of shouting that everything is terrible, Deek has power calmly explain that everything is wonderful—as long as the peasants keep shopping, borrowing, believing, obeying, and never imagining that the planet could belong to life rather than money.