FKN Newz 2006-05-13

For 200 Less niggers to starve to death in Africa after Nigerian pipeline disaster. Phone record analysis of American citizens reveals popularity of pizza. In the UK Human Rights Act needs changed says evil fascist Nazi fucker. news around the world from vy, Di. I'm deeply moved.

Here are tonight's headlines. In Nigeria 200 people have died in a pipeline explosion. The unfortunate event was caused when the people siphoning petrol from the pipeline stopped for a fact. you might expect the population of Africa's biggest oil exporter to have a reasonable quality of life as we in the West exploit their oil reserves so we can drive to our out of town hypermarkets and snap up cheap goods made in the third world by children who worked for a handful of rice.

But no, apparently they're all starving in the streets and dying in their 30s while we enjoy our consumerist lifestyle at their expense, still 200 Dead that's not bad. Next door in Dar four Chad, Ethiopia, we're letting millions of the fuckers starve to death anyway. So what if your government agreed to let oil companies exploit your natural resources for peanuts, and turn your unspoiled wilderness into the most polluted country in Africa?

I couldn't care less as long as I benefit in some small way, possibly linked to my bank account. Fuck you. Fuck you all. I'm European or white or American.

I can't remember which. But I deserve cheap energy so I can enjoy my life. Your life is worth much less than comparison. And it's time you all got used to the idea and stopped whinging about it you sniffling poverty stricken landless nigger peasants.

More on that story later. In America, security and intelligence operatives have obtained the phone records for the entire population of the country. Analysis of the database created from these records has shown that ordering pizza and listening to women describe their underwear is very popular amongst lonely men. While it's discussing your last thrush infection and what shoes you're going to buy this popular with women.

The intelligence community had claimed that by analyzing coal patterns, they would be able to thwart or identify terrorist threats in the US. I guess that analysis would go something like this. Hey, look at all those calls to Osama bin Laden in the Batcave in Pakistan, something must be up and look at this 1000s of calls to Walmart inquiring about plastic explosives and DIY bomb making. Wow, it's a good job. international terrorists are stupid enough to make calls to each other on landlines.

Instead of using unregistered pay as you go mobile phones, they don't stand a chance against the mind and intellect of our nation. Civil rights campaigners have claimed the database is illegal and an infringement of Americans right to privacy, but they shut up pretty quick when it was revealed They'd been calling toe sucking sex fetish lines. In a related story. The FBI have arrested the CIA, the NSA have charged the FBI with DUI and the CIA have taken over the IMF, an SUV containing DNA belonging to someone who was DOA, after being involved in an RTA in Washington DC, where LSD and PCP are the drug of choice for people committing GVH.

Law enforcement officers have said we will establish an MO ASAP and give an ETA PDQ in the UK, the government has said it will have to change parts of the Human Rights Act in the light of the Afghan hijackers asylum claim. There are times when we couldn't give a fuck about human rights didn't say someone in government and we just want to do whatever we want. A change in the Human Rights Act would allow us to pick and choose which humans get rights and when this will not affect any of the cozy white people's lives living under our oppression.

I mean protection at the moment. It surely cannot be right that people who commit crimes should have rights. I mean, once you've committed a crime, we should be able to do anything to you, right? I'm sure all civilized people would agree that the Human Rights Act was never intended to actually protect people from harm, but merely give up a layer of respectability to the planet fuckin mind rate conducted by big business on Earth.

That now, the weather in Jakarta, the Mount Merapi volcano is thought to be very close to erupting. 1000s of people have been evacuated and scientists are monitoring the situation. If the volcano does erupt, it will spew hot gas and dust into the atmosphere in a pyroclastic plume. It's thought the explosion could produce a dust cloud so big it will blot out normal us reporting for up to a week obscuring reports on it crusade in Afghanistan, the civil war in Iraq, the corruption of US intelligence agencies and the exploitation of the world by big business.

Environmental stories of this magnitude are a great opportunity for news agencies to show endless hours of dramatic footage. waxing lyrical about the power of nature and the fragility of our ecosystem whilst flying their reporters around the world in jetliners that contribute more to pollution in a day than all the eruptions on Earth in a year. Have a nice weekend.